Loosing the urge to Blog

... no kidding, right? I've been doing this only once a month now. I might or might not come back. I am doing better and as a result, I'm out more doing more things. This is good. I've got goals and am doing fairly well.

I did get accepted to SDSU finally for the Graduate program. I'm gearing up for that. Work is picking up, not so bored. Things in general are better.

Going to lunch now. Hope all is well in the blogging universe. See you next time!

The pros and cons of Ambien CR

My therapist prescribed Ambien CR for my sleeping problems. That stuff knocks you out all right. It also works through the night. It would be perfect - expect for those pesky side effects. My problem was I started to feel quite agitated and on the verge of panic for several hours the next day. Not good. It took a few days for these effects to start kicking in. Once they did, I wasn't sure if I was going to have a nervous breakdown or what. Two days after I stopped taking the CR, I felt the symptoms disappear - right in the middle of the day. It was as if a stream of high pressure water had been dammed up.

Too bad but I'm sure as heck NOT taking that stuff again.

I'm hoping to someday be weened off the drugs totally. I don't know if that will be possible for me as my depression is a long-term issue. I suppose if my life starts turning out the way I want it to, the depression has a better chance of disappearing but I'm not holding my breath for it right now.

I'm rambling. I'll come back in a few days and check up on people.

Catching up

Sorry I've been away for a while. Life got busy there.

Living with Mom is not as bad as I thought. I come home, the house is clean. If something needs to be fixed and I call a service person, she is home to receive him (she works out of the house). When she's running errands, she asks if I need something. It's great. I have a WIFE!! This is really terrific because it's hard doing everything on your own sometimes! It's just a bit strange to be living with someone again when I've been living by myself for so long. Fortunately, we do get along.

I took the GMAT again. This time, I did much better on the Verbal score than last time (when San Diego was on fire). I still didn't do too well with the math. I can add, subtract, multiply and divide WHOLE numbers. Throw in a fraction and I'm toast. And, of course, most of these questions had to do with algebraic fractions and geometry formulas. PLEASE: I haven't seen a geometry formula since high school.

Went to Las Vegas in March for my Mom's birthday. We stayed at the Mirage hotel and went to the Cirque Du Soleil show "LOVE". It's Cirque Du Soleil done to The Beatles music. Can't get much better than that! My Mom found that she was overwhelmed and loved "LOVE". It really was spectacular. I highly recommend it to anyone who is in Las Vegas.

Currently, I'm just futzing around trying to find things to fill my time. I have more interest in doing activities so I consider that a plus. Now if I can just get my lazy slug butt off the couch and get some exercise, I might lose a few unwanted pounds! Motivation is key and I really have none right now. I so enjoy my down time; and I so enjoy eating great food. It's a puzzle.

The Mom Moves In

Last Thursday, my mother moved in with me.

Times are getting rough. However, with both of us pooling our resources, we each see a dramatic monthly reduction in our bills. This has excited both of us as we are now able to handle the unexpected better.

It's funny though. Now mom is living in MY house. She's being awfully diligent not to step on my toes. What a change in scenario! It's been 8 years since we lived together. Life has definitely changed. I'll just have to be sure I set a proper curfew for her - no boys after 10pm, no booze after 9pm, etc. I've got a baseball bat and a machete just in case things get out of hand..... seriously, mom goes to bed at 8:30. She's surrounded by her cats and computer and is happy as a clam to read books and do crossword puzzles. She's even cleaning the house when I'm not home! Flippin' weird but cool at the same time.

I have no doubt though we will be locking horns at times. Both of us are quite opinionated. We've developed our own separate way of living so going back into an environment of sharing space is strange for both of us.

I'll keep any faithful readers posted. It's a new chapter in my life.

Boo

Whale Watching was rejuvenating

The sky was crystal clear, the ocean swells between 4 - 6 feet. I took Dramamine, which helped insure I didn't get sick.

Saw Gray Whales. Large lumbering creatures with, it seems, all the time in the world. Saw pods of dolphins as well. They are playful, fun creatures.

I was completely removed from my normal world. I loved it! When I got back on shore, I felt so good. When I got home, I felt like I was walking into a new place. This is the kind of experience I need to have more often. This is what I look for in a vacation or an event - the kind of feeling when I'm at peace with myself and the world. It doesn't last long but it leaves a huge impression on me. My imagination perks up and I just feel generally better.

No depression that day.

Working Dryer

It's the little things that make life a bit better. I just got my clothes dryer fixed. It's been broken for a year and a half now and I haven't had the funds to get it repaired. Now I got it done. I can't believe I can get so excited about a dryer. But I am! I didn't realize how the dryer made all my wash so soft. I've been air drying my towels and they dry stiff as if they're going into rigor mortis! Probably all the hard water in San Diego.

This weekend should be fun. I'm volunteering at another place - this one for kids with disabilities - therapeutic horseback riding. I WON'T be doing any riding but I will be beside the horse with the kids on them. Thought that would be cool. No chance of being thrown off if I'm not on the horse.

Sunday I'm going whale watching with a friend. It's this time of year when the humpback whales make their way down from Alaska towards the equator and pass California on their way. Hope I see some. If not, I hear porpoises are prevalent this time of year too. Any marine mammal other than a seal or sea lion as I can see those laying on the beach or a buoy any time.

I've been doing more activity lately than I have in a very long time. It's starting to pay off. I think my mind is a bit more active and clearer. Won't be able to tell for sure as I'm still doing stupid things at times. Maybe I've just got the "numb-nut" gene.

Made it!

Got through the holidays! I decided to do some different activities during the Xmas break so I volunteered at a food bank and a place called "Friends of Cats". Seriously, my job at "Friends of Cats" was to sit with the cats and pet and play with them. How cool was that? So many adoptable kitties that just want some attention. It was really neat.

I also went horseback riding last Friday. I've done it before but I am by no means an expert. However, I did feel pretty comfortable on horseback - that is until the guide horse spooked at something and took off. My ride subsequently wheeled around and starting running like a banshee was chasing him. I have no idea how to ride a four legged animal that is traveling at 20 mph. The saddle slipped toward the left and I realized I was going to fall off. I let go the reins and relaxed my body as best as I could and just let myself go - hoping my foot didn't get caught in the stirrup (it didn't).

I was wearing a helmet, which came in real handy when I impacted with the ground. My head hit so hard that, even through the helmet, I got knocked dizzy and saw stars. I can't even begin to imagine what it would have been like without the helmet. I'm a firm believer now folks. Wear those helmets! They come in handy when you least expect it!

What I find interesting about this accident is that the potential seriousness of what it could have been. I don't know about other people but when I get depressed, there are times I just want to disappear. Become extinct. Fade away. I don't want to be in existence any more. This accident made me realize that I still do want to live.

I got back onto the horse, by the way. No real problems after that but I did visit Urgent Care to be sure I hadn't knocked my noodle out of whack. I'm banged up and bruised but OK.

I have also found that as long as I find other activities to do - things that I don't normally do or new things - I have something to look forward to. Some different experience. One problem with depression I have found is the sheer BOREDOM from or because of depression can get overwhelming. That's why I'm trying different activities. The volunteer stuff is great because I don't have to pay a dime.

Well, here's to a great 2008. I hope everyone finds what they are looking for - particularly contentment and happiness.

Boo